Detox Day 3 - Decompensation

So my husband and I were driving to the park yesterday. And he’s telling me about his friend at work who is going to that European city where prostitution and drugs are rampant, you know, that city where lots of tourists go and there’s women in windows advertising for sex... you know, that city where... At this point, I’m faced with a dilemma. I look down at my hands, in one is my Samsung Rogue feature phone, in the other is my more connected but equally painful for Google searching Blackberry. I make a hasty decision, let me use your phone honey, and I’ll Google that for you. I have to admit, there was a time when I would rather have grabbed a handful of rat feces than look something up on my husband’s original Droid - no, not even the original Droid X, the original Droid. You know, that heinous brick of a phone released by Motorola before they understood mainstream design principles. 

I pick up the phone, locate the browser, slide open the keyboard, type in ‘European city debauchery’ and BAM, there it is. Ok, not really, more like BAM, 5 minutes later (literally), there it is. By this point, our conversation has degraded to:

“I don’t know how you can stand to use this thing. Why won’t you let me buy you a new phone or at least root this one and overclock it.” 

“Don’t touch my phone, I like it, it works fine for me, give it back.” 

“Seriously, I can see the battery draining as it’s searching, can’t I at least get you a new battery? This one’s a year old.”

“Replacement batteries suck, I know all about those Chinese knock-off batteries. Put my phone down!”

At this point the baby is crying and we’ve driven past the park entrance. The real problem though, is that we still don’t know the name of the damn European city of debauchery. Screw the park and playtime with the kids. I have to know the answer to this question!

In desperation, I pick up the Rogue and send out to my most worldly knowledgable friend... a text message... (so 2000 and late).

“What’s the name of the European city where there are lots of prostitutes and drugs? I’m thinking of taking a trip.”

“Amsterdam. And shouldn’t you start slowly, like with a sip of alcohol first?"

“Holland right? Booking ticket now.”

“Are you drunk?”

Excellent. 


So in one night, all progress towards a more focused family life without the presence of gadgetry devolves into babies crying, husbands angry, friends thinking I’ve become a drunk. THIS IS WHY I NEED GADGETS IN MY LIFE.